Why do they make my dog biscuits in the shape of a bone? Am I supposed to know what a bone looks like?

Note to manufacturer: Couldn't you make them in the shape of a slipper. Preferably with her foot in it.

Oh dear. Naughty again. So I get shut out in the garden. The only thing is - well, I quite like the garden. So She'll soon have to think of somewhere else to send me. 'Specially if I keep chewing the banana tree. Not long to go now - it's almost dead.

It's a shame really, 'cos She spent ages getting ticks out of my fur. I quite liked that. Then I bit her. So we're not speaking.

You know, She and I have more in common than you'd think - that's why She ought to understand me a bit more. I was an abandoned puppy, I'm a mongrel, I've got issues. Or maybe She does. Maybe that's why She gets upset when I bite her. Biting the hand that feeds me and all that. Except it was her leg this time.

When He got home He said I would have to go back to Providence. Getting a bit tired of that joke. So when He wasn't watching I took a quick nip at her ankle - then put my head down, like butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. Oh boy - there's a thought.

And guess what ... Where did we go today? Providence.
I know I've been naughty but hey, I'm only a puppy. You see, I'm teething and it bloody well hurts. The trouble is, none of you remember teething do you. Well, let me tell you it makes me want to chew things, and chew, and chew.

She will wear floaty clothes. Tempting as hell. Now they are floaty clothes with holes in them. No dramas if you ask me. So far, I've ripped her shorts, torn her slippers, almost demolished his slippers (I love slippers), tipped over and broken a standard lamp and eaten the shade, eaten a light bulb  - I'm very bright (sorry, couldn't resist that one). Then I bit her.

It all started off as a game, you know, play biting. But I got a bit carried away and next thing I knew, her finger was bleeding and She was shouting at me and I was barking at her, and I bit her again. So it was outside for me. And, well you know the rest ... Providence. 

As it turned out, it was just a shopping trip. But it worried me for a while I can tell you.

Shopping is quite a palaver here in the Seychelles (five different shops, just to find a petrol can), but that's another story... 

What am I?

Here in Seychelles, I'm what they call a local dog  It's a polite way of saying that I'm a bit of a mixture. I've got a feeling I'm going to be quite big - just look at the size of my feet. I hope they know what they have let themselves in for.

No one really knows where I came from. They got me from the SSPCA but before that... Only I know and I'm not telling. We met a man in the street the other day who said he recognised me (!). He had seen me wandering around wasteland in this area called Providence (hmm, that's appropriate). So now, every time I do something wrong, they say they are taking me back to Providence. Very funny.