Bright green leaves, flapping away in the breeze. Leaves bigger than me. And so much love and care they get: food, water, conversation; and when that brand new leaf started to unfurl ... well, you can imagine the excitement. What's all the fuss about? It's just a leaf!

So, I pulled it down. The whole thing. Stem, leaves, the lot.

Boy that was fun! Lots of stringy stuff to tug and chew. Tasted of bananas too (what do you know? I write poetry as well). Anyway, that'll teach 'em to lavish all that attention on a silly old tree.

And guess what - She was cross. She smacked me. I bit her (teeth getting really big now). Blood all over the place. Tears too. Oh dear. It's just - well, things happened before. It reminded me. Sorry and all that.

So She's found this website - how to train dogs or something. Huh - don't think rugby-tackling me to the ground and holding me down by force is what I'd call training. Just give me a day or two, I'll get round that one.